The Invisibubble
The “Bubble” That Makes You Invisible to Others
I moved a lot as a child. With each new move, it felt harder and harder to make friends and fit in. It seemed like I became more shy and introverted with the next new school that I attended. Yet with the people I did get close to who became my friends, I was very extroverted.
As I got older, I found myself in this strange dichotomy. I could perform on stage at the local theater in front of a room full of strangers, and every Sunday I could sing in front of an entire congregation, but having to deal with strangers one-on-one was agonizing.
Ordering from a waitress in a restaurant was painful. Having to do a bank transaction with a teller was something I dreaded. I was your typical wallflower in high school, yet I continued to perform on stages and was on the school’s dance team.
I don’t know when it started, but I hated having my picture taken. It probably stemmed from some classmate making fun of my school picture when I was little. If you were to look through my albums and digital library, you’d be hard-pressed to find any photos of me in them.
Going on camera was my biggest source of dread. I remember taking a women’s empowerment course and couldn’t even turn my camera on in the group. I would hover my finger over the button but would feel physically ill at the thought of turning it on. That actually became one of the final straws that made me buckle down and figure out how I could change.
It was during my undergrad years that I coined my phrase “invisibubble.” I was quite active on campus - I participated in the student body council, loved being a member of the Association of International Students, and worked at the school’s cafe as a waitress and on their landscaping crew in the summers.
I was participating in college life, yet I felt like I was floating around in this bubble that made me invisible to people. Like I was there, yet not seen. It felt unfair to be observing everyone and feel more and more disconnected.
I couldn’t understand why this was happening. It made me angry that people put this bubble around me. Why couldn’t they take five seconds and actually see me? Because I didn’t know better, I threw the blame on them. They were the problem. They were the ones choosing not to see me.
Are you noticing a pattern here? I was hiding, yet I was also upset I wasn’t being seen. It took many years before I finally became aware of what was actually going on. No one else put that bubble around me. It was me; I did it to myself.
It seems obvious now, but I truly had no idea back then. You don’t know what you don’t know until you know, right? It turns out that I held some subconscious beliefs that I wasn’t safe and that I needed to be protected, and that’s how my invisibubble was born. Taking it a step further, those beliefs came from experiences around being rejected, among other things.
So how did I pop this invisibubble? First, I had to begin getting comfortable with seeing myself. Not only had I been hiding from others, but I’d been hiding from myself. I was someone who couldn’t even look into my own eyes in the mirror for more than a second. I had such a low sense of self-worth that loving myself was nearly impossible. It took a lot of inner work to shift that scenario.
Second, I had to go after the belief codes that were supporting my invisibubble. As I discovered the beliefs, both the ones I was aware of and the ones that were hanging out in the subconscious, I began to understand why this invisibubble had formed and that I was the one who constructed it. Again, it all came down to protection, survival, and safety. Even though it went against what I wanted (to be seen), the ego was running off my old beliefs to keep me safe.
That’s what the ego does. Think of it like software and computer files. When we encounter a situation, the ego will go through our files - files full of our beliefs and the emotional charges attached to them. The situation and the emotions involved will decide which beliefs are triggered.
Even though I desperately wanted to be seen, my ego was running off the old software, the beliefs that had served me at one time in my life but were outdated. Just as we can update the software on our electronics, we can also update the files our ego works from. How? By shifting or clearing the old beliefs and bringing in new empowering ones.
Has my invisibubble completely disappeared? For the most part it has. It does surface every once in a while, and when it does, I know it’s time to dig deep and see what belief codes, emotional blockages, and inner child wounding are there that need to be addressed.
Due to all of the inner work I’ve implemented over the years, I not only turn my camera on in groups, but I give presentations on camera. I go live, I make sure I get in front of the camera for photos with family and friends, and I network. Not only that, but I can hold my own gaze in the mirror and look myself lovingly in the eyes.
Now, it’s your turn. When was the last time you looked yourself in the eyes?
Today, I challenge you to look into a mirror, look into your own eyes, and say something loving to yourself. Once you're done, blow yourself a kiss or give yourself a high five in the mirror (shoutout to Mel Robbins).
If you find that it's challenging to even look yourself in the eyes, try this: imagine that you're looking at someone you really care about (a friend or loved one), try to hold your gaze for 3 seconds, smile, and then give yourself a high five in the mirror. ✋
If you happen to be someone who struggles with visibility, I see you. I get you. Just remember that there’s a solution; it doesn’t have to be this way. I created a special course called the Limiting Beliefs Breakthrough: Visibility Edition. In this self-guided course, I lead you through a simple process that helps you identify and disempower your limiting beliefs while embodying new empowering beliefs around visibility.
It’s easy to recognize the feeling of resistance when it comes to being visible. The empowerment lies in knowing exactly why that is. When you start digging, you’ll find that the reason is almost always something deeper than what you believed it to be. When you’re aware of what’s at the root of it, that’s when the transformational work can begin.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we weren’t born into this lifetime to be a wallflower. We have every right to own and take up our space and place on this planet. It begins with our own inner work. It’s up to each one of us to show up fully and authentically.
I'll leave you with these two questions to reflect on:
Do you feel you show up fully and authentically to others and to yourself?
Where do you struggle with visibility in your life?
Heart Hugs,
Adrienne 💕
* Click here to learn more about the Limiting Beliefs Breakthrough: Visibility Edition
** If you would like to experience a session where I find and clear your subconscious and unconscious beliefs for you, check out my Belief Busting session.
